Dominic Zenden Dating, Adult Relationships & Life Coaching

Dominic J Zenden Adult Relationships. Life Coach                            

 Has over forty years of experience of helping people work out the best relationships for them.

He is the author of the best selling guide to adult relationships 'Coffee Cup Chatter' and is the pioneer of 'Aura Photographic Profiling' matching couples through the colours captured in their photographic auras.

Dominic has worked in Harley Street and has a list of clients who regularly seek him out for advice on dating and relationships.

Read Dominic's thoughts and advice on Adult Relationships below.

Dominic Zenden


Being Single

Adult relationships are complicated, they are difficult. Meeting the right person to share the whole of the rest of your life is not easy. Relationships take personal knowledge, self esteem, the ability to trust and the willingness to share. An adult relationship is never 50% 50% it has to be 100% from each partner.

So it is no wonder that many choose the single life over partnerships. Many reasons behind each person decision not to date. Choosing to live alone is far easier than coping, supporting, trusting what at first is a stranger. To date successfully you need certain things to fall into place. Luck and timings play an enormous part in finding the right person.

But you can also prepare to meet'. Being the best version of yourself in mind and body can bring opportunities that you might miss otherwise. You may be amazed at how many people become invisible to us when our mind set is wrong. Those who remain single often are in default mode after having experienced a traumatic relationship. Or have never made the decisions of choosing partners, relying on people finding them. Set your mind to defensive mode because of the emotional rejection or hurt is the mentality of a victim not wanting to be hurt again. I come across many who have been scared in adult relationships, which is extremely sad.

Those who choose the company of animals instead of people. It does not have to be this way. You can become so much fulfilment from learning about 'how to discover the best people for you. Two simple rules about dating. Do not wait for others to find you. The hardest people to be with in a relationship are the easiest people to meet. You do not need to do any 'work on yourself, ask any questions or give out any self disclosure. The easy to meet people will do all of this for you.

The down side is they will show no interest in who you are, they do not care. You represent to them a dispensable person. They care about themselves only, which is why they are single. Yes they may have all the right lines, right answers indicating that they want exactly the same thing that you do. But beware these lines are well rehursted, well practised, homed over many encounters that are only fleeting.

Dating websites attract people like this. Great at making a first impression, bad at being in exclusive relationships that are built on understanding, thoughtfulness and eventually trust. These easy to meet people are brilliant at what they do because they can not maintain long term caring, sharing relationships. I would wager that many of you reading this would have encountered people like I have just explained. How do you spot a person like this ? Simple, you wait for them to ask you about yourself. Most will but only in passing, it is doubtful they would listen or take much notice of your answers.

Be ready with some simple self disclosure to test my theory. The second simple rule is do not reverse date. Get to know the person first if you are serious about wanting a long term relationship. Meet friends that they have known for a few years. Let them speak for your potential partner. You can tell much about a person by the way that person chooses their friends. People who make good partners have a few long term loyal friends.

Do not get confused by the number of friends a person has. Saturation of friends is a sign of a person who wants to collect people like butterflies. Quality long term friendships are an indication of a person who chooses to resolve issues rather than run from them. Please do not let your knowledge of other people get in the way of you successfully dating. Be aware of the people you are likely to encounter.

But if you can not or do not want to get your mind around adult relationships buy a dog. Dogs are great unconditional company, never judge or test you, are loyal and loving.

The Language of thought

The Language of thought

The language of relationships is a law to itself. How many times have you wanted to understand how others think ? Just to be inside the other sexes head for a few moments would answers so many of the questions that we have. So if I was to tell you there is a way to understand how a potential date, future partner or long lost soul mate was thinking would you want to know about it ?

Too right you would. The key to understanding how the opposite sex thinks is to understand the words that they think with. We all talk to ourselves inside our heads ? Don't we ? And it is true to say that the thinking words that we use are the words that we resonate with and understand the most.

Our thoughts or thinking moulds us to the way we think and act in relationships. Lets start with a simple word that many believe but the definition varies from female to male and from person to person. 'Loyalty' This is our first thought when we are looking to date. We are looking for a loyal person.

A person who is on my side. A person who would never do me any harm. A person who would never upset me. All three of these phrases come from that one simple word. Such a small word with a host of meanings. All of which are impossible to predict or establish without time. Straight away the word loyal is fitting in to what you want it to mean, and setting out a difficult set of conditions .

I am not saying you should not set high standards but before you can impose the word loyalty on a partner, you have to get to know them first. Understand them, and be able to forgive them. As I am reminded every single day, nobody is perfect. One thinking word that needs to be placed later on in a relationship. Commitment. Another word that has hidden meaning.

This is a phrase that often come from people looking to find a partner. " I need them to show me that they can commit to me" This brings out all the other lines that sit alongside. Trust, empathy and our old friend loyalty. Some thoughts on commitment. When a person is fun to be with, shares common interests and is thoughtful it is easy to commit to that person. You sense commitment. Feel it with the other persons actions, it may not have to mentioned, and only is mentioned when you are not in control of your rational thinking. If we cannot sense another persons intentions it is a sure fire thing that you do not take personal responsibility for your thoughts. You may be thinking I want a guarantee, I want to feel safe.

How do I trust someone that I have just met ? All rational, but far to soon to be making judgements. Believe me you will know, even sense who that person is. If your senses are turned off or not working it means you have far too many agendas of your own that you are wanting to stay hidden. Relationships only develop when we go into them agenda free. Otherwise you are placing far too much pressure on yourself and any potential partner. 

Dating in the Twenty First Century

Dating on Line

Have you ever looked at a dating website ? Hundreds of photographs accompanied with self proclaiming profiles that reach far into the cliche dictionary of language. Some far too much, some far to little, most ill conceived. The photographs are poor, only revealing what the person wants you to notice.

Yes dating in the twenty first century is stick a pin in cross your finger and hope for the best. The only thing you can be sure about is the lack of honesty. Where to start, well if you have lost your pin and your eyes have been crossed with the saturation of truly remarkable people staring back at you from the computer, it could be time to consider a new approach. Learn about the dynamics of those who join dating sites.

The genuine against the no hopers. Those who are either looking for a partner just for one day or are so badly informed about dating you may just take one look and blend back into the background of the coffee shop you decided to meet in. How do you flip through profiles on line and figure out the right people to date ? Which people to meet ? I have come across the serial daters.

A different date each night of the week ! The candy shop approach. This doesn't work, you become date 'fatigued. The pleasure goes as the list gets longer, and you forget why you started dating in the first place. Then there are those you limit themselves to just one date a week.

Look for the best looking photograph, or the best pre rehearsed lines on their profiles. This seldom works because the selection of attractive witty photo profiles are small. So it comes down to the pin again. So I have the solution.

A miracle that will save you time, find you the matches you are so longing for without the constant mind numbing searching. I'm here to introduce you to 'Aura Photographic Profiling.' This simple method works on profiling personalities captured in colour photographs.

Select the photographs you are interested in, send them to me with your own up to date colour photograph. My unique skill is in profiling the photographs. I can match you to your most compatible partners. Each photograph is given a written report detailing such things as their emotional state of mind. Trustworthiness. And their compatibility to you. Aura Photographic Profiling works. No wasting time, or energy on dead ends. Your chances of finding 'the one' has increased ten fold. Interested in knowing more ? Visit my website or personal message me, I will be looking forward to talking with you.

Dominic J Zenden

Universe Soul Mates,

Love and the universe

Many of us would like nothing better than to meet a soul mate. Relationships made for you that are perfect in every way. The romantic notion of sit back wait do nothing and wait. The universe will make sure that everything just falls into your lap.No wonder so many believe in 'soul mates'! Nobody wants to do any work ! What is a 'soul mate ? A little piece of you that is found in another person ? Clearly there are a few gaps within the theory of 'soul mates, especially if we are to believe that we all are individual. A person of like mind ?

Well that would be a big jump to go from common thoughts to sharing the same soul. Surely first would come all of the commonalities. Similar age, timings, education, religious background and personal needs. You don't need a soul mate just a dating agency. A few things to consider before searching for a soul mate.

Could it be that every single human being has the same soul ? All the souls are leaves on the same tree ? Fragments of the same massive explosion that gifted us a small spark of energy ?It is very likely that each one of us is connected to the same source. Which means we could fall in love with anyone if we match on - Similar age, timings, education, religious background and personal needs.

Back to the dating agency. Soul connections may not play such a significant part as we first romantically would have ourselves believe. Luck and timings, understanding and personal knowledge. It could be that we are driven by the need to reproduce ? Which is nature's way of helping us choose completely the wrong partner !

Instinct is not a good method of finding a lifelong soulmate. Attraction may work for the universe, but not for us. Our modern day needs go way past natural selection.


Is reaching the goal less important than having goals to set ? The person who is searching for love but never finds it ? Because the occupation of the search disguises the emotional issues underneath ?

The goal is a distraction from reality. I think of these people as 'suitcase packers' Everything is designed to remember everything you need to pack the perfect suitcase. Hours of thought, long lists of needs coupled with endless shopping trips. All in order to enjoy the benefits of the hoilday. 'A future focus.

When the holiday arrives it is boring, does not reach expectations all because it was never about the end goal, it was about filling the mind with something to occupy the thoughts.

Unless you work through the emotional issues of why you are searching you will never stop long enough to enjoy the calm relaxation of having found what you have been looking for.

Opposites Attract ?

Do we have to agree to get on ?

The beauty of living is that we are all individuals. Each one of us brings something different to every partnership, group or organisation that we belong to. It is a strength that we have different strengths ! Just because we do not agree on the everyday media, entertainment and issues should not be a block to understanding each other. I would not want to be friends with myself, no point, one of me is enough to cope with ! Everything in life comes down to balance. Likes and dislikes are there to bind us together, create open debate and facilitate getting the job done. No point in having a kitchen full of pastry chefs !

Being different from one another is a tremendous benefit. Relationships work better when we do not agree on everything.


Do you know what you want from a relationship ? If you already have a partner you will know that much of the relationship falls into place without words. The routine of living is established without too much debate. Sharing the responsibilities of being together lessens the burden. And it is this sharing that forms the base of many relationships.

Single people miss out and will find themselves in a position that comes down to them. If they do not do something it does not get done. The fundamental part of sharing is what we seek, and is what many of us want. Being able to talk about shared experiences with a partner enhances that experience.

So if you struggle knowing what you want it is simple, you just want to share. Nothing complicated nothing out of reach, nothing that you can not achieve.



Dating can be as complicated as you make it. If you have to think about it then the chances are you could be over thinking the whole thing.  Living is great when you relax and have fun. Dating should be fun. A chance to meet new people with different personalities. It is worth knowing at this point that being honest about your own personality gives you the chance to 'click or feel that spark that so many of us are wanting. The order in which we notice is. 

Psychical Attraction. 

Decision Making. 

Matching visions. 

Shared Interests. 



Long Term Compatibility. 

So much of this order can be muddled up because we have expectations that turn this list on it's head. Reverse dating is a recipe to fail, but still so many  of us get the order back to front. Lets have a look at some common misconception when dating.


The first misconception is people tell the truth. They do not. They tell the truth from their own perception. Their own version of events. This is not about not trusting but it is about staying open. If we are attracted to someone we are more likely to believe them without question. Rule of thumb is we can spot insincerity if we keep our thoughts and opinions open. 

Dating Agencies

Internet Dating

Both of these methods of meeting new people are great if you know how to use them. Understanding that everything you are told about the person who is a potential match comes from them. I often think that ex partners should write the profiles ! Again keeping an open mind is important. Each person you are meeting is only being introduced to you. Do not reverse date !   


Setting the rulesLeave your agendas at the pub door when meeting someone new. No rules or agendas. It is not that important to tell a stranger your life story. Plenty of time for that as you get to know each other. The best people to date are the ones that are interested in life, not just themselves. Common ground on interests, music and past times is good but not essential. There is something far more important - how we sense that person. Ask yourself do you feel safe with them ? Or is something not quite right ? The person sat across the table may look attractive, but if it does not feel right your sixth sense is always right.    


Think of all your friends. You will see them differently now. When you first meet a new person there is far too much going on. You are on your best behaviour, no doubt hoping to impress them. When we get to know someone we tend to value who they are, not just their appearance. It can be we hardly notice how a friend looks or dresses. It is the person we are interested in,. This applies to relationships. I am not saying that a well groomed and neatly presented person does not catch our eye, I am not. But this outer layer can be altered and changed. In this modern world of hair extensions, cosmetics and clothes can be deceptive. The inner person underneath is who you are looking to discover.


You can create anything. You are capable of experiencing the very best. Leave behind your concepts, agendas and preconceived stereo typical ideas of what you want. Old mind tapes do you no good. Every time you set out to meet new people you give yourself a brand new start. That should excite you ! An open mind, a non judgemental attitude alongside a balanced knowledge of who you are. Senses on full alert. Dating is fun, every single date has the abilty to teach you something new, and could change your life forever.

Dominic J Zenden  

Successful Relationships


The search for happiness is the longest or the shortest journey you may ever go on. If you choose the long way round you could be on a never ending treadmill searching for others to make you happy.

Many take this route, devoting themselves to looking after others, putting partners before themselves. This is a choice that is made when self esteem is low or non existent.

Personal identity matters. And realising that we can have it all is vital to personal happiness. The tape in our head that repeats the words of our parents is false, you can be selfish, happy and thoughtful.

You do not need to leave personal happiness behind to achieve good relationships. I believe that we are all pre set to certain ways of thinking whilst young. Once that way of thinking is etched on our souls we follow blindly.

A clock set to the wrong time is never right ! Worth considering what you think to be true may not be. If the information given was wrong in the first place.



Whether we want it or not understanding relationships is the key to personal happiness. You can choose a partner through knowledge, or just wait until someone finds you, the same dynamics apply to the partnership.

Success in finding the right person is a vital part of how your life will be in the future. This is where 'thoughtfulness matters.

This is a top quality that goes towards the developing the best relationships. Consideration and thoughtfulness is so precious that over 87% of single people consider this quality above every other. Worth remembering when dating.

9 out of 10 Aura Photographic Profiles are through recommendation

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Happy relationships,

Dominic Zenden